Teens at risk of dropping out of school can find help through mentors. Every mentor-mentee relationship varies but there are simple guidelines for mentors that give the best chance the relationship will succeed.
A mentor's demeanor is critical. Teens are savvy and respond best when mentors are open and straight-forward. The following are ways to keep the relationship on track:
Be Authentic - Exaggerated enthusiasm and fanciful stories are irrelevant to teens, especially those who deal with difficult issues every day. Be real. Be sincere and recognize the teen's world view.
Be Reliable - Many teens are cynical through experience. They have learned that people do not follow through on their promises. Always show up or call when you say you will. Expect the same from your mentee.
Focus on Your Mentee - Keep your attention clearly on the mentee's needs and issues. Be their advocate but also set clear expectations for behavior and meeting obligations.
Be Open - Mentor-mentee relationships are dynamic. Be open to change. Be open to where the conversations lead or how the relationship might evolve.
Show Respect - Respect your mentee, their family and their social situation. This is not the time to pass judgment or to have preconceived notions about a teen's environment. Focus on behaviors and responses to situations, not the situations themselves.
Ask Questions and Listen! - It is easy to ask questions but it can be difficult to actually listen and hear what else is being said. Make mental notes, clarify points and ask additional questions without probing too quickly. A teen may not want to delve too far into a situation on the mentor's timetable. On the other hand, a teen might try to shock a mentor early on to test how they will react. It is a delicate balancing act but listening is a critical component to establishing trust.
Set Clear Expectations - Set expectations (for both the mentee and mentor) that are reasonable and actionable. Then, follow through. When expectations are not met, openly address the failure and work together to prevent it from happening again. Never dwell on a failure or repeatedly bring it up. Deal with it once and be done with it.
Recognize Success - Take every opportunity to reward success. Verbal affirmations are powerful especially when coming from someone the teen respects. Share those successes with parents and guardians when appropriate.
Know the Community Resources - Have a list of resources ready to use when the need arises. Know the school counselor and truant officers (if involved). Know the social services that are in the immediate vicinity and suggest ways to get there via public transportation if needed. Keep phone numbers and websites close at hand and keep them updated.
Mentoring Tactics
There are ways to help at-risk teens become more self-aware and realize that their behaviors affect their situation. Learning how to alter how they act and react can have significant impact on moving onto the right track.
Build Self-awareness - Helping teens think about what they are doing helps them build self-awareness. Most at-risk teens are not very aware of themselves; they simply act on feelings and impulses without much thought of the consequences.
Discuss Good Behavior - One of the best forms of mentoring is getting kids to relay examples of how they managed to "do something good." Encourage them to describe what happened, understand the cause and effect of a positive experience, and learn how to repeat it. Mentors can help kids understand the link between their feelings and their behaviors and that they can learn to control behavior in spite of their feelings. Bad behavior is not an inevitable outcome of a bad feeling; especially if teens are coached to not let their feelings run - or ruin - their lives.
Expect Better Outcomes - An important goal of mentoring is to get teens to think about ways they can affect better outcomes from different courses of action. For example, what will result from remaining on a current course of behavior versus taking a different approach? Help teens identify new and positive strategies for getting what they want or need.
Teens at risk for bad things in their life - that may mean gangs, drugs, dropping out. No one is born a criminal. They become a criminal and usually in their teens. But since you and people like you judge anyone not like yourselves as unworthy you probably don't think there is actually any hope or anyone at risk. Those teens should be at troubled teen school.
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